The EuroStar ride to London was uneventful. I think they should have some sort of display or something about the engineering marvel of the tunnel under the sea.
The UK (pronounced UHK) is a fine little island; those dwelling therein are known as UKers (pronounced UH curs). There is a nice variety of UKers: smart ones and stupid, ugly ones and handsome. They have a lot of old buildings and newish sheep. Many of the UKer streets are crooked. This is due to a cost-cutting measure; the UKer government decided against providing civil engineers with straight edges. Consequently, the streets are not straight.
This statue is of Thomas Hooker. This UKer became quite famous for balancing objects on his head. Here he demonstrates his skill with a tomato. He is also quite adept with traffic cones.This street, one of the rare straight ones, is said to be the inspiration for Diagon Alley in the Harry Potter books & movies.UKers are quite fond of smothering their food in Brown and eschew other colors. This peculiar habit started in the Blitz, when UKers didn’t have access to more vibrant colors, and has carried on to the present.Scotland is a part of UK; residents there are forbidden to use the term “bakery” by the Treaty of Union of 1706. England imposed this linguistic oppression to punish the Scots for failing to surrender promptly.The Scots selected this weed as their national flower.Although Scotland is primarily known for its prowess in gin distillation, they also bottle a whiskey called “scotch.” Rainfall in Scotland percolates through a layer of scotchite, a brownish colored mineral. When the resulting “scotch” makes its way to the surface, one need only pour it into a bottle. Note that UKers spell whiskey without the “e” due to a chronic “e” shortage. Don’t mention anything about it; they are touchy on this point.UKers construct buildings out of the many rocks strewn about the island. Once built, UKers never tear them down to make way for proper buildings.UKers die with great regularity. They anchor the dead people with heavy slabs of rock and encircle them with rock fences so they don’t wander.The North Sea puts an end to the land of UK, way up at the top, near Iceland.
In Paris, they have a meeting place for trains that is just like an airport! I suppose they are trainports. There are security lines and passport checkers and all the trimmings. Europeans use trains the way people use aircraft. Imagine the effort and resources in laying and maintaining all that track and associated equipment!
Pointy-nosed trains carry people from Paris to London.This beefy archer will not be effective in battle because of no string in the bow. Also, no pants.A stern looking Napoleon. Perhaps he did not appreciate being encased in bronze after escaping from Elba, home of the famous toast.Marshal Foch’s Tomb. He was made famous during the Great War for failing to grasp modern warfare and causing a few million unnecessary casualties.In the days before InstaGram, people would create metallic memory aids, like this one of Charlemagne sporting a W beard.The French fondness for flaunting their wealth is shown by this solid gold bridge decoration. There are four adorning this bridge, representing 47% of the French government’s gold reserve.This is a gigantic Brittany Lion with a self-satisfied expression.An early Polaroid of a Norwegian family out for a summer picnic.This carved rock is used at the Paris College of Veterinary Medicine. It illustrates the proper method of medicating crocodiles.
While in Paris, I visited one of the many art warehouses, the D’Orsay. It is a large storage facility that attracts a sizable crowd during the day. In the olden days, people didn’t simply take a photo of a pretty person or scene. Instead, some pecked away with a hammer at a large rock, sometimes as big as a house, until it resembled a person or whatever. Others smeared colored grease on large bedsheets (the flat ones, not the fitted ones) to get a likeness. Seems like an awful lot of effort.
When you go, be sure to buy a timed entry ticket well before your desired visit date. Otherwise, you will stand in a very long line and get cranky.
The D’Orsay. Note the face of the clock is glass. Go inside and you can look a time backward!The warehouse has a fine collection of picture frames, many highly ornamented like this one.This frame has a central feature…I suppose you could call is a rosette?Not all of the frames in the collection are pretentious. This one borders on the austere. Look closely and you will observe a casual approach to joinery, what with gaps, etc, in evidence.A final selection, this frame shows the more modern approach, using a textured mat. Note the evenly beveled edge and clean corners. Admirable workmanship!The warehouse also has a world class pedestal collection. Here’s a nicely carved one.There are some works in progress; this pedestal is just scrap found in the workshop.Management are to be congratulated for providing clear signage in English and other words.The steps are a monument to French industrial design. The thin strips not only assist the visually impaired, but also reduce the potential of falls. Brilliant!The central access corridor of the D’Orsay.
Sundays in Paris are chilly and very windy, there is also a chance of rain showers. It is not unreasonably inclement as long as you have proper clothing. The weather Mondays through Wednesdays improves a bit, although a jacket is still required in the early mornings and evenings. Keep these points in mind as you plan your trip here.
The French, at least those in Paris, are intuitive to the point of being psychic. When I speak French to them, they somehow divine that I’m an English speaker and switch immediately to accommodate me! Incroyable!
The Parisienne sidewalk cafe is neither myth nor exaggeration. One can hardly take a dozen steps without passing yet another cafe! By my observation, there are about 1,000 cafes for every grocery store; one does not eat at home in Paris.
It is safe to stroll through Paris. I suppose it must have some rough areas, like all major cities. But average tourists will not find themselves there. Never once did I feel the tug of intuition saying “Maybe I shouldn’t be here.”
Paris has many bridges. That’s why it is known as the City of Bridges. Current projections indicate the entire river will be covered with bridges by Bastille Day, 2039.I visited this old church. The French chipped in nearly a billion euros to re-build it after a fire. I suspect new construction would have been more cost effective.I had the standard French rations for lunch one day.The French are enamored, almost to the point of being obsessed, with the letter “N.” You’ll find it plastered all over bridges, buildings and plumbing fixtures.Paris has an enormous collection of old cannons, prettily decorated with inspirational motifs. I discovered these at the Musée d l’Armée (Army Museum).City planners thoughtfully reserved large swaths of land for future infill development.Heedless of the danger, Paris places gasoline stations underground!
Oporto, which is in Portugal, is the birthplace of port wine. Thanks, Oporto, for a refreshing beverage! To foster the growth of tourism, they have set aside a sizable portion of their waterfront and created a district modeled on the ancient medieval towns of Europe! Their efforts are richly rewarded with a delightful destination, complete with bumpy cobblestone streets (very narrow!) and steep staircases with each step of some random dimensions. Such a thing would never be allowed in the US, to the litigious nature of our society. Too bad.
The climate is similar to that of the California coast and the hills reminded me of San Francisco. Temps were mid-50’s at night and mid-70’s in the daytime. Very pleasant.
My room at the AirBnB. Authentic, historic rock walls, but very modern otherwise. Ideally located.The view from my courtyard patio. I had to share the patio with a few other guests, but they were not too obnoxious.I took the obligatory photo of the famous bridge across the Douro River. It has two decks, both accommodating foot traffic.Steep steps. Dubious materials. Sketchy engineering. They will certainly not last.I pressed this button and my vision improved! Apparently the promised change is random. More than a few psychotherapists could use such a button.
Took a trip on the Underground to the British Museum. What an amazing place, packed to the brim with cultural artifacts stolen from every place on Earth! One could visit daily for a week and not get through it all.
Speaking of amazing, London’s transport systems is an engineering and sociological marvel in its own right. Fast, efficient and cheap. I developed a technique for navigating through the system:
Before descending into the system, use Google Maps to plan. Take a screen shot so you’ll have the plan when you lose cell coverage. On your way to the station endlessly repeat (to yourself, silently) the name of the line and platform you need to get to. For example, I say “Buckaloo” on the left foot, then “3” on the next left foot. Take the escalator down, down, down. Realize that you’ve forgotten the line & platform, consult the screen shot and follow the signs to the train. Foolproof!
The impressive central hub of the British Museum. Swarms of visitors mill about here, impeding the efficient flow of others.This big head was stolen from Egypt. The stone one, not the one with glasses.This is an example of ancient Egyptian writing. It was a student’s work. You can tell by the weak thesis statement and misspellings. Egyptians of the time not only wrote like this; they spoke in the same manner. “Eye chair rabbit zig-zag shovel bowl” Little wonder the civilization didn’t withstand the test of time!I had a great time wandering through the clock exhibit. Fascinating!Here’s a close-up of a marvelously complex timepiece.London grocery stores carry a bewildering array of odd foods. I hadn’t previously given much thought to ox tongues, but I would have thought them too big for these small cans.I had a nice snack in the neighborhood near my hotel. I think it may be a gayborhood, but its hard to tell with the Brits.Londoners are fond of mis-labeling places. Hammer House is not a house. Piccadilly Circus has no clowns or big tops. Trafalger Square is actually a dodecahedron. I’m on to their cruel hoaxes and cancelled a planned trip to the London “Zoo”This absurdly long escalator takes you to the depths of the Underground. An unavoidable consequence of burrowing this far into the Earth is that the nearby magma makes the system into one enormous sauna.
The Tower of London doesn’t tower physically nearly as much as it does historically. I suppose it towered over the huts surrounding it a few hundred years ago; modern towers overshadow it. However, it is still an amazing fortress. Viewing its moats, walls and built in firing positions makes apparent why it was attacked so few times. Did you know Anne Boleyn lost her head here? She did, thanks to Henry VIII. The usual punishment for treason was burning at the stake, but Henry, in his monarchical mercy, commuted her sentence to mere beheading.
The Tower of London. It only looks towering due to the skill of the photographer.If it were me designing a fortress, I wouldn’t put windows on the ground floor. Seems vulnerable. The winding switchbacks would have been sure to slow the charging enemies, however. Nice touch.This pretty chapel is still in use, and has been for centuries. The local priest, presumably Anglican, preaches here to no one every Sunday.Now this is a tower. The locals call it The Shard, although it has an official name. I spotted it from the Uber river boat.Statues of the great and near-great abound in London.Look at the soldier of the Horse Guard! My tour group had the great fortune to see a Changing of the Guard. I was disappointed to learn that no nappies (diapers) were involved.This little soldier was an impromptu addition to the changing of the guard. The little man had the whole outfit; he marched and saluted like the professional he will be someday. He charmed everyone, even the police armed with assault rifles.Nice view of the London Bridge, eh? Not! That’s the Tower Bridge, the London Bridge is in Arizona. Its place in London was taken by a ordinary bridge from anywhere.Waterloo Station is a major transit hub in London. It is a magnificent structure that houses the Underground and passenger railroads.This is a statue of an old lady whose inability to control her offspring led to World War I.
