Posted on by dennis

Land of UK

The EuroStar ride to London was uneventful. I think they should have some sort of display or something about the engineering marvel of the tunnel under the sea.

The UK (pronounced UHK) is a fine little island; those dwelling therein are known as UKers (pronounced UH curs). There is a nice variety of UKers: smart ones and stupid, ugly ones and handsome. They have a lot of old buildings and newish sheep. Many of the UKer streets are crooked. This is due to a cost-cutting measure; the UKer government decided against providing civil engineers with straight edges. Consequently, the streets are not straight.

This statue is of Thomas Hooker. This UKer became quite famous for balancing objects on his head. Here he demonstrates his skill with a tomato. He is also quite adept with traffic cones.
This street, one of the rare straight ones, is said to be the inspiration for Diagon Alley in the Harry Potter books & movies.
UKers are quite fond of smothering their food in Brown and eschew other colors. This peculiar habit started in the Blitz, when UKers didn’t have access to more vibrant colors, and has carried on to the present.
Scotland is a part of UK; residents there are forbidden to use the term “bakery” by the Treaty of Union of 1706. England imposed this linguistic oppression to punish the Scots for failing to surrender promptly.
The Scots selected this weed as their national flower.
Although Scotland is primarily known for its prowess in gin distillation, they also bottle a whiskey called “scotch.” Rainfall in Scotland percolates through a layer of scotchite, a brownish colored mineral. When the resulting “scotch” makes its way to the surface, one need only pour it into a bottle. Note that UKers spell whiskey without the “e” due to a chronic “e” shortage. Don’t mention anything about it; they are touchy on this point.
UKers construct buildings out of the many rocks strewn about the island. Once built, UKers never tear them down to make way for proper buildings.
UKers die with great regularity. They anchor the dead people with heavy slabs of rock and encircle them with rock fences so they don’t wander.
The North Sea puts an end to the land of UK, way up at the top, near Iceland.

 

 

2 Replies to “Land of UK”

  1. I wish I was with you to correct your many misconceptions. Alas, I’m only able to enjoy the wonderful pictures which are untainted by your subjectivity. I love the thistles and the stone church.

  2. Thanks for this posting and all that you shared of your great Old World journey thru the UK, Portugal, Paris and under the Channel.
    Your persnickety comments are a bit out of line but the photos were
    wonderful and much appreciated. And now: Welcome back to the good ol” US of A, land of the free and home of the brave!!! Ha-ha!

Comments are closed.