CalExpeditions

Tag: Florida

  • Southernmost Florida

    Made the long and tedious drive to Key West. If I were you, I’d skip the drive and fly or boat to the cute beach town.

    We made it! As south as you can get in CONUS.

    What a treasure we have in Everglades National Park! Spent the night in a very nice campground deep in the swamp. Had to make an emergency run to the camp store for bug spray—I stepped out of the van for one minute and was assaulted by clouds of bitey things. The bug spray worked like a charm, except for some particularly hungry biting flies. Its a good thing they stayed in an area far from the camp site.

    Traversing this pass was the high point of my visit.
    Beautiful and peaceful, isn’t it? As long as you stay in the car. This is where the unstoppable biting flies dwell.

    North of the Everglades, I found a delightful Gulf Coast town: Venice. It was Saturday, so a farmer’s market had taken over the broad street leading to the beach. Clearly a moneyed town; there are many mansions lining the waterfront. The town was designed by the famous urban planner John Nolan and is an excellent example of the Garden City design movement of the 1920s and 30s.

    This enormous banyan tree in Venice reminded me of the trees in Hawaii. Did you know they are a ficus?
    These Floridians are a type of carnivorous iguana. They migrated here from the Galapagos, an unintended consequence of the Panama Canal. Many keep them as pets and train them to perform light housekeeping duties.

    From the coast, I drove up through central Florida. It is very difficult to drive from the gulf coast to Gainesville without using I-75, but I mostly managed it. They raise a lot of cattle there, black, brown and dingy white ones that need laundering. I was surprised that Florida permitted the mixing of cow colors like that. The cows have a nice life, it seems, grazing in the sun or lounging under enormous oak trees dripping with Spanish moss.

    Traffic and road conditions prevented me from getting a picture of cows, so you’ll have to use your imagination.
    This BBQ joint looked sketchy enough to be legit, so I dined therein.
    Ribs! Very nice…and enough for two meals!
    Red beans and rice, along with “sausage” that looked a lot like hot dog. Still tasty, though.
    Xena, the Warrior Princess, is having a great time. Here, she lounges in the dirt following an unsuccessful lizard hunt.

  • Outrage in Florida

    I have been savagely misled. Visited Cocoa Beach; it is ordinary sand! Doesn’t faintly resemble cocoa and makes a lousy hot beverage. Have not been so disappointed since visiting the Gold Coast. Geographers are a dishonest lot.

    Cocoa Beach disappoints; just ordinary sand.

    Otherwise, in all fairness, I must report that Florida is an awful place. It’s no wonder that the inhabitants thereof are so surly; I would be, too, if I were condemned to a life there. Did you know that it is possible to drive for 15, maybe 20 miles, down a road and see nothing but strip malls? I had no idea a place needed so many fast food chains, tattoo parlors, and knick-knack shops. There seems to be no end of Floridian appetites for such merchantilism. As an urban designer, I have to admit that it leaves me…depressed.

    On the other hand, Florida has achieved an epic level of discourtesy and rudeness. I’m not talking about the customary insolence of what passes for wait staff in these parts. I hope you have never had to endure what I about to describe; the more sensitive may wish to resume watching cat videos. Entities, masquerading as people, pull into a gas station, occupy a pump, wander about the grounds, complete their Christmas shopping at the truck stop store, feast on government approved food products from the roller apparatus, take a nap, squabble with their spouse, all with complete indifference to the queue of people waiting to fill their tanks. An extraordinary display of callous disregard for others. As you might imagine, I’ve patronized many gas stations on my journey; these folk live exclusively in Florida.

    I’m happy to report there is one redeeming quality to this (thankfully) vanishing part of America: song birds. The place is full of them, singing the songs of their people all day long. Bright red cardinals, pretty bluebirds flashing their colors, drab little brown birds…all of them singing their hearts out. Delightful.